


Baby you were my picket fence

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: AU where Steve doesn't fall for Peggy, Alternate Universe - 1940s, First Kiss, M/M, Mild Smut, Stucky - Freeform, takes place after hydra captures bucky for the first time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 06:39:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4615086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baby, you were my picket fence<br/>I miss missing you now and then</p><p>While Bucky is in Hydra's custody they wipe him twice - Steve is there to rescue him but certain memories remain a mystery. Steve plans on remedying that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby you were my picket fence

**Wipe one** : deletes the creases on Steve's forehead when he worries, the smudge of granite on the heel of his hand, the way his blonde hair spills onto his forehead and he tries to tame it, the feel of a bony spine pressed up against his own in the dead of Winter when it's too cold to sleep alone, erases the simple things like running his fingers through containers of loose beans at the market down the street and how they cascade through his fingers and the smell of Brooklyn in the Fall when the leaves are changing and there's a nip in the air - a pugent mix of gasoline and foliage.

  
**Wipe two** : takes the memory of him being Steve's first kiss and how amazing it had felt even at the tender age of thirteen, removes art classes and the smell of clay and heavy paper, rips apart the image of his mother standing in the kitchen with an apron tied around her waist as she makes him and Steve a sandwich to share, sweeps through and tosses his baby sisters dimples and the feel of tiny arms wrapped around his leg because shes afraid he won't come back.

  
**Wipe three** : N/A - aborted. Rescued by Steve.

  
  
"Can I ask you something?," Steve nudges his drink further onto the counter and avoids Bucky's gaze. It's after midnight but their fellow commrades are still drinking heavily and singing cheerfully - fully aware that the war is far from over but they're alive and they're all together - that's what matters.  
If at all possible Bucky seems to slump even further against the counter. Something went terribly wrong and it kills Steve that no one has the answers for what they did to Bucky but him and he's a closed book.  
"Sure," Bucky tosses back another hard one and refills it.  
"What did Hydra do to you?" There's no reason to be subtle about it and Steve has never been anything but blunt.  
Bucky turns and gives him a smile - if you can call it that. It's more like the ghost of what Steve once knew. Bucky's eyes are no longer hollow inside like they'd been when Steve had found him strapped to Zolas table but they weren't the crystal clear sparkling blue that Steve knew all too well - he'd drawn them enough when they were growing up - knew every expression in them. This one - this one was pain.    
"You saw what they did - strapped me to a table and did s-something to my head," Bucky stammers. The truth is that he can't recall what happened and it feels like there are huge gaps in his memory - it's terrifying and the alcohol isn't helping. He wants to get so drunk that he forgets the entire debaticle.  
Steve tamps down on the blinding fury that he's feeling - Bucky doesn't need that right now. Later - he'll make every last one of them pay.  
"Wasn't much up there to begin with," Bucky says with a wink. The joke falls flat.

  
Steve cocks his head to the side and stares - that wasn't anything new. God he'd spent most of his life staring at Bucky Barnes and imagining futures that always involved the two of them - white picket fence with a dog running freely in the yard and no neighbors for miles around - they'd move to the country and start fresh. Buck wouldn't have to worry about working his fingers to the bone. Pipe dreams - they weren't making it out of this war alive, Steve could feel it. What he wouldn't do to take Bucky by the hand and drag the both of them back home where Bucky would scoop him out of alley fights and they'd see a movie on Tuesday afternoons when it cost less. For that matter they could live in a cardboard box and he'd be just as well as long as he had Bucky - everything he'd ever wanted was right there in front of him. 

  
Bucky feels the gaze and stares back - his eyes reflect a mixture of sadness and...is that? No it couldn't be. To Bucky he'd always be a lightweight who didn't have an attractive bone in his body, hes sure of it. Still he doesn't look away. The bustle and noise of the bar seem to disappear until only the two of them remain - Steve can feel the blood pulsing in his veins and his entire body feels like it's on fire. Sure he'd always looked at Bucky like that but it had been one sided...until now.  
"Stop worryin' about me Steve. You do enough worrying for the both of us," Bucky breaks eye contact as he finishes another drink and Steve comes back to himself and suddenly the air is too cold and Bucky is lost in his own head.

  
"You know I can't do that," Steve takes a sip of his beer - a dark ale that was the cheapest on tap. It's dry and bitter in his throat and anything but pleasant. He decides at the last minute to pat Bucky on the leg like hes done many times before only this one is strange and new and is bursting with possibilities - it's not even close to casually touching him - he doesn't remove his hand despite warning bells going off in his head. When it comes to the two of them there was never a line - just a wide open road with the two of them somewhere near the end. Neither had realized that this was a problem until they'd gotten too touchy in public - holding Steve's elbow as he turned a corner, Steve holding onto Bucky's coat sleeve, throwing an arm over bony shoulders, tight hugs in front of the newspaper stand before he left to go to work, warm bodies pressed together on a small bed in the colder months. It was only when someone called Steve a fairy that it had dawned on them - they should be more careful. From then on Bucky made sure to take in their surroundings and limit the hug to less than a minute. It was torture.

  
Bucky glances down at his thigh where Steve's hand - no longer thin but those long graceful fingers are the same - lingers. Nearly spills his drink as he straightens in his seat.  
"Can't do that here," he warns.  
" 'mm ot doing anything," Steve replies as if his hand isn't still burning a hole through Bucky's pants.  
Bucky raises an eyebrow and tries to pry Steve's hand away but it's not working and Steve must've had more to drink than he'd thought and yet his glass is full to the brim and hasn't been refilled. Defeated, he drops his hand on top of Steves and is surprised to find that Steve curls his until they're together - they were holding hands in public - in a stuffy bar choked full of men who knew more than they should know about Steve as Bucky had did nothing more than talk about him - only the good stuff of course. When any minute might be your last you want someone to remember you - who you were, who you loved, who loved you back. Never in a million years had he imagined Steve would come barreling through to save him.  
Steve drops his voice to a whisper as he says "Remember that time when we were thirteen and you kissed me and made me promise not to tell?"  
All at once Bucky feels sick - he doesn't remember - not a single thing about that day. He jerks his hand back from Steve's which causes Steve to abruptly remove his and makes a mad dash for the bathroom where he closes and locks a stall and tries to pull certain memories out but it's not working and oh god it feels like his head might explode under the pressure - he wants to hit something hard enough to break. Instead he takes shaky breaths and attempts to stay calm - if Steve sees him fall apart that'll be the end of it. He'll insist on shipping him back home and though he'd gotten the green light on that he wouldn't leave Steve behind. Never.  
  
"Buck?"  The bathroom door opens with a creak and Bucky can hear the scuffing of shoes against the hard floor.  
"I know you're in here. Whatever I did I'm sorry okay? Won't ever bring it back up again. Truce?"  
The door swings open once more as other men take to the stalls and jesus christ what did a man have to do to get privacy around here?  
"Buck - I'm standing out here like some kinda pervert. Can you please come out and talk to me?"  Steve whispers to the only door that had been closed when he'd came in.  
Bucky takes a deep breath and leaves the stall - careful to avoid Steve's eyes. Steve sighs and falls alongside him.  
  
"Think I need some fresh air," he says as he wedges past dancing bodies and all but runs to the front door. Steve follows.  
Bucky sits down on the cold ground and watches as his breath comes out in cold puffs of air. Steve scoots beside of him and leans against him - they're two book ends and always have been.  
"You don't hafta tell me what happened. I just need to know that you're okay," Steve says quietly as he picks up a rock and absently flips it around in his hand.  
Fear and anger bubble to the surface and Bucky can't cover them as well as he used to be able to.  "I don't remember some things is all."  He tries to shrug it off like it isn't eating him alive inside.  
Steves shoulders slump and Bucky regrets saying anything about it.  
"I can help - I'll be your memory," Steve offers. Big blue eyes capture Bucky's and hold his gaze. He'll do whatever it takes.  
Bucky laughs and tosses a rock across the ground - some things had changed about Steve but inside - where it mattered - he was still the same person who'd sewed the holes in both their socks and boiled their food every night.

  
"Come on - test me. What don't you remember?" Steve says with a nudge to Bucky's arm.  
"I'm not sure exactly."  And that's the gods honest truth. Bucky feels like they reached inside of him and ripped out everything that ever made him who he is - who he was.  
"I remember Coney Island and that ride that made you puke - you harped on that one for weeks and it's burned into my head. I remember your ma and mine...my sister...shes blurry." He can conjure up a fuzzy picture of her in his mind - auburn hair in double braids with dark brown eyes but he can't recall the sound of her voice and hes never wanted to run back home so bad in his life.  
Steve flips the rock over and over in his hand - he's fidgeting and he's not sure how to respond - it's not everyday that your other half (and honestly that's what Bucky was and always had been) has a screwed up brain because German scientists had treated him like a lab rat. It all made sense now - how Bucky had hesitated when Steve had unstrapped him from the hard table that they'd tied him to - how he'd repeated Steve's name twice like it was foreign on his lips. If someone were to shoot Steve right now it wouldn't hurt as badly as this.  
"I'm prob just tired is all. It'll come back," Bucky tries to reassure Steve and himself for that matter but he's feeling anything but hopeful. Still he grins and pinches Steve's leg to make him laugh.

  
"I may be bigger but that doesn't mean I can't take pinches - your fingers are like pliars," Steve complains as he pinches Bucky's leg in return. Bucky was running from his problems and Steve knew it but right now maybe he needed to forget about Zola and the way they'd tortured him.  
The distraction worked but knowing Steve he'd be right back at it - trying to peel back the layers of what had happened to him and he couldn't bare it. Not tonight.  
"You mentioned...kissing you for the first time when we were thirteen. I don't...I can't...tell me about it?"  
Steve blushes scarlet red and grabs a handful of rocks - nervously rubs them with his fingertips.  
"We stopped by my ma's house after art class and went to my room like we always did and I asked you what it felt like to kiss a girl. You told me you didn't know - still think you were pullin' my leg on that one. You had this hairbrained idea of being one anothers first kiss and I never pegged you as that type but...but you kissed me first."  He doesn't go into details - such as how he'd replayed it in his head too many times or how he'd dream of Bucky at night with rich brown hair falling across his forehead as he opened his mouth under Steves. It hadn't been an ordinary kiss - no they'd gone for the entire thing and it had left scorch marks on Steve's brain ever since.  
"And? Was I good at it?," Bucky probes. He should stop while hes ahead but he can't seem to - not with such a precious memory.  
Steve laughs and blushes as he places the rocks on the ground and lays back against it. It's cool under his body and it's what he needs right now when every nerve is standing to attention.  
"I guess so. I mean we only did it that one time and then Mary came along and Susan..." he covers his eyes with his arm and the burning sensation of pure jealousy is still fresh and raw all these years later.

  
"Susan...I remember her. She was about your height - blonde hair and straight as a board. Didn't have a curve on her," Bucky replies. She'd reminded him of Steve and if he'd closed his eyes just right he'd been able to pretend that it was him instead.  
He doesn't miss the sigh that Steve tries to cover with a cough.  
It hurt that Bucky remembered her but not their first kiss. It's irrational to let it get under his skin - it isn't Bucky's fault but he can't help the way he feels. Steve wants to kiss him until all he can taste is his mouth and tongue all slick and wet and - he's got to stop thinking like that.  
"Hey Steve?,"  Bucky props himself up on an elbow and leans precariously over Steve - carefully removes the arm from over his eyes. Steve turns to answer only for full pink lips to collide against his own. He holds on tight to Bucky's neck and tugs on him until he's laying on top of him - neither protest. Bucky slids his tongue against Steve's and it causes Steve's hips to raise slightly and press against Bucky's who pushes right back. He wants to brand himself onto Bucky's memory so that he'll be impossible to forget - especially this moment. He settles for licking and sucking the side of his neck as he grinds his hips against Bucky's - leaves a couple purple marks in a very visible area - remember me.  
  
"Cap? Where'd you go? We need more drinks - Dum Dum is about to stage a-," Gabe breaks off as the two of them pull apart and adjust their clothing - so much for being subtle.  
"Umm...you know I think I might have some extra cash on me," he blinks wide eyes and makes a hasty exit.  
Steve laughs and leans his forehead against Bucky's and Bucky looks horrified. What if he told them - what would they think of Steve? And himself for that matter? He had quite the reputation with the ladies and for all they knew he only saw Steve as his best friend.  
"I know what you're thinking and I don't care," Steve says as he moves a hand up Bucky's thigh and onto a very personal spot that he'd always wanted to touch but never had. Bucky jerked and looked back at him with a shocked expression. And oh oh he was rock hard - not that there had been any doubt that it was one sided.  
"Steve. What's everyone going to think about Captain America fondling his best friend? If word gets out you could lose everything," Bucky places his hand on top of Steve's which is still resting on his crotch. He means to remove it - really he does. He certainly doesn't intend on arching up to allow Steve's hand to grip him further.  
"The only opinion I care about is yours," Steve moved his hand up and down through the fabric of Bucky's pants and cursed the whole situation - if they were home in Brooklyn he'd push him against their bed and leave him breathless and begging for more. But that was neither here nor there and privacy might as well not exist here.  
"I want....I want this...you but we can't," Bucky barely gets out the words and puts his common sense to work - removes Steve's hand and does his best to catch his breath. He knew that Steve had enjoyed kissing him back then and had been more than eager to keep going but this? Surely this was new.  
Steve glanced around quickly before ducking in for one last kiss.

  
"When we get back home [if they survived this war] you owe me for this," Steve stood up and tried to think of something - anything other than Bucky. Flowers - bright pinks and pale yellows in the Springtime...Bucky beside of them with his mouth on Steves...shit this wasn't working at all.  
"We can't go back in there like this," Bucky adjusted himself and tried not to stare at those pretty pink lips that had covered his own less than a minute ago.  
"You go to the bathroom and um...do what you do and I'm gonna take a walk," Steve replied. Perhaps the cold night air would help.  
"You're killin' me Steve," Bucky groaned as Steve licked his lips.  
"Sorry, sorry," Steve apologized with a wide grin.  
"Go on, get out of here," Bucky nudged Steve's elbow and made his way back into the bar - nodded a quick greeting to the boys (who eyed him suspiciously) before making a beeline for the bathroom.  
It didn't take long - not with the taste of Steve's mouth still on his lips and the thought of Steve unzipping his pants and....  
He emerged from the bathroom to find that Steve had sat back down at the spot where they'd been before.    
"They're lookin' at us weird," Bucky whispered as he took his place at the bar.  
"You're just paranoid is all," countered Steve as the bartended sat his drink on the counter.  
"We can't stay by ourselves all night - they'll know," Bucky hissed.  
"I'll go on over there and maybe strike up a conversation about that dame over there," he pointed to a curvy blonde with ruby red lips.  
Steve rolled his eyes but agreed to it none the less.  
  
"Haven't ran the tap dry yet have you?," Bucky pulled up a chair and joined the other men - the Howling Commandos - men he'd trust with his own life.  
"We're leaving that job to you," jabbed Falsworth as he pointed to Bucky's neck.  
Oh no. He'd been on trying to get rid of his erection that he'd forgotten all about how Steve's wet mouth had likely left purple bruises on his neck.  
With wide eyes he hastily pulled his uniform tighter against his neck and hoped like hell that it was covering all of the evidence.  
"Don't be like that, I got a cousin who likes boys too. Aint nothing I haven't seen before," said Jacque.  
"Barnes we've saw you in your birthday suit when we had those awful outdoor showers more than once and we've saw you drunk off your ass stumbling around like an idiot and rambling on about Steve. You really think this is gonna scare us off?"  
Bucky gave them a tight smile and instantly felt a weight lift off of his shoulders.  
"Rogers is a good guy, think you found a catch in him," replied Morita as the others nodded in agreement. Steve had freed them from Hydra and every one of them would lay down their lives for him with no questions asked.  
"Yeah he is," Bucky agreed and looked back at Steve who was currently being pursued by a certain blonde.  
"Don't sit here with us all night - go get him before she snatches him up," chided Gabe.

  
He nodded and grinned widely as he returned to the bar and sat beside of Steve and nodded to the woman, "Ma'am." She gave him a flirty smile back -  
"I was telling your friend here that I might take him out dancing after the war is over," she threw a wink at Steve who hadn't moved - was sitting there shocked that anyone would take an interest in him.  
"You don't want him - he can't dance. He steps on toes," he placed a hand on Steve's shoulder and the movement caused his uniform to shift enough to show the marks on his neck.  
She looked momentarily confused as she looked from one to the other. Bucky didn't move his hand - gently squeezed Steve's shoulder and made sure the message came across loud and clear.  
"That's too bad, I'll have to keep looking for the right partner then," she gave them a sweet smile and went to find her friend.  
From across the room they heard a loud WOOP! as the howling commandos beamed at them. Steve turned to Bucky and his eyes widened as he took in the purple spots on Bucky's neck - he'd known exactly what he was doing but had hoped they'd be easier to cover.  
"Your neck," he whispered and absently moved to adjust Bucky's uniform.  
"Steve - they know." He swatted Steve's hands away.  
Steve turned a shade paler than his usual skin tone and took a large gulp of the dark ale he'd ordered once more and promptly spit and sputtered as it went down the wrong way. Bucky patted his back a couple times to make sure he was okay - all the while with a smile on his face that lit up his blue eyes and they were sparkling once more. He had put that sparkle there.  
"Oh for godssake Steve," Bucky shook his head and tangled his fingers with Steve's.  
"What exactly did you tell them about me?," Steve questioned. He expected to hear about how he snored and ran away on double dates and was a terrible cook.  
"Only the good stuff," Bucky lifted Steve's hand and brushed a soft kiss against his knuckles.

  
Steve tightened his grip on Bucky's hand - they would be okay. Bucky would be okay - Steve would fill in the gaps in Bucky's memories and they'd create new ones and after the war was over they'd head back home and never look back.  
Maybe find a place to rent in the country...with a white picket fence.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> yeaaaah I kinda changed Peggy a bit - replaced her with someone else but kept some things. pardon any mistakes - I wrote this while my power was out at 1am.
> 
> title is "miss missing you" by fall out boy


End file.
